


A Dick Problem

by EmbretheWorld



Series: Thomas has a Pet Bird called Dick [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Dick Jokes, Established Relationship, Humor, I SWEAR THE TITLE ISNT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mentioned Thomas Jefferson, Other, Texting, Thomas Jefferson Owns A Bird Called Dick, i shoudl make this a series in all honest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:14:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24070411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmbretheWorld/pseuds/EmbretheWorld
Summary: Alexander consults his friends about his problem with Dick.-AKA: Another excuse for me to make dick jokes.
Relationships: Alexander Hamilton & John Laurens & Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette & Hercules Mulligan, Alexander Hamilton/Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Jefferson & Gilbert du Motier Marquis de Lafayette
Series: Thomas has a Pet Bird called Dick [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1736527
Comments: 7
Kudos: 62





	A Dick Problem

**revolutionary set**

**tomcat:** guys i got a problem

 **alive but dead inside:** what kind of problem?

 **tomcat** : i got a Dick problem

 **lancelot:** o_o

 **BRAHBRAH:** read that again. but slowly

 **alive but dead inside:** im sorry w H A T

 **tomcat** : i gots a dick problem! its not that hard to understand

 **alive but dead inside:** im sorry but you got a boyfriend to help you get it up.

im not helping you with your erectile dysfunction 

**tomcat:** wh

WHAT 

NO 

nononnononono

i do nOT HAVE ANYTHING WRONG WITH MY D I C K

 **lancelot:** the what's ze 'dick' problem?

 **tomcat:** look

thomas has a pet bird named dick

 **BRAHBRAH:** why dick??

 **tomcat:** fuck would i know! ask him!

anyway he has a pet bird thats named dick that fucking hates me

 **alive but dead inside:** ok and? 

**tomcat:** anytime i try to get close to thomas that bird fucking puffs up his chest. feathers? what ever it is! and fuckin shrieks at me 

its horrible

 **alive but dead inside:** okay?

oh 

OH I GET IT

 **BRAHBRAH:** u do?

 **tomcat:** finally someone gets it!

 **alive but dead inside:** you wanna fuck him but that bird wont let you!

 **tomcat:** WHAT

nO

okay maybe i do

BUT NO I CANT BE NEAR THOMAS WITHOUT BEING SHRIEKED AT

 **BRAHBRAH:** then ignore the bird 

**tomcat** : I caNT

 **alive but dead inside:** and why exactly cant you??!

 **tomcat:** because anytime get close the bird either puffs up its feathers or shrieks and thomas laughs and it ruins the mood

like how am i supposed to recover from that?

 **lancelot:** ¯\\(°_o)/¯

 **tomcat:** greeeaaattt the 'master' or romance doesn't know what i should do

 **lancelot:** believe it or not i have never ever dealt with birds ruining my romance

 **alive but dead inside:** maybe smash at your own apartment and not as his??? like it isn't rocket science alexander

 **tomcat:** yeah but his bed is more comfortable than mine cant get a good fuck if your boyfriend is complaining that your bed fucking sucks 

**BRAHBRAH:** just deal with it then

 **tomcat:** yeah but were talking about the same person that told me too, and i QUOTE "Mess me up like how messed up your debt planned is." and also insists that we go to his house since his apartment is more comfortable in general. 

**BRAHBRAH:** holy fuck he said that???

 **alive but dead inside:** yikes man that must have put the mood all the way down

 **tomcat:** _@alive but dead inside_ oh no. it put the mood all the way up but maybe not in a good way or possibly safe way? perhaps idk

 **alive but dead inside:** yeah i didnt need to know that

but as herc said tell him to fucking deal with it cuz if he loved u hed deal with it

 **tomcat:** are we talking about the same man here? dude insulted me in the middle of sex of course i also insult him back but yeah

 **lancelot:** thomas prefers to treat himself mon petit lion sadly unlike you he values leisure time over work time. he knows his limits and sticks to them when nesscary. :/

 **tomcat:** so what your saying is he divulges into self-care without being forced too?

 **lancelot:** probably

 **tomcat:** so how the fuck do i get him too go to my apartment and not his own

 **BRAHBRAH:** get someone who can take care of his bird and then just hang out in ur apartment

 **alive but dead inside:** or get a better bed

or just fuck on the couch its not that hard

 **tomcat:** do yall think our entire relationship is based on sex???!!

 **BRAHBRAH:** yeah. hate sex to be more specific

 **alive but dead inside:** did-

did you just fucking say 'yall'??!!!

 **tomcat:** OH FUCK

i didnt fucking realize that 

thomas is rubbing off on me more than i thought

 **lancelot:** iiiinnnn how you say?

more ways than one alexander?

 **tomcat:** first off fuck you, and secondly its the other way around and thirdly fuck you

anyway our relationship isn't solely based off of sex! it just happens sometimes and yeah! and secondly i still got a dick problem and i still need help with it!

 **BRAHBRAH:** get someone to take care of the bird and chill out at your own apartment if it bothers you that much. or let the bird get used too you and like you cause if you dont then its gonna happen a lot

 **tomcat:** so befriend the bird?

 **alive but dead inside:** yep

 **tomcat:** i need to go get some bird seeds

brb

 **BRAHBRAH:** not what i had in mind but that works too. 


End file.
